Why Slowing Down Feels So Hard (And Why There’s Nothing Wrong With You)

For so many high-functioning women, rest sounds good in theory.

But in real life?

Slowing down feels uncomfortable. Agitating. Almost unsafe.

And most people assume that means something is wrong with them. That they’re broken. Too anxious. Bad at rest.

But what if that isn’t true at all?

What if your body isn’t failing — but protecting you?

Recently, I came across a term that stopped me in my tracks because it finally gave language to something I’ve lived most of my life.

It’s called experiential avoidance.

And once I understood it, I could never see busyness the same way again.

When Staying Busy Isn’t a Personality Trait — It’s Protection

Experiential avoidance describes what happens when we stay in motion to avoid what rises in stillness.

Not because we love being exhausted.

But because slowing down brings things to the surface we don’t feel ready to face.

Memories. Feelings. Grief. Anger. Loneliness. Old disappointments.

In the quiet, everything we’ve been holding together with productivity starts tapping on the door.

So we keep moving.

Not because we’re broken.

Not because we’re lazy.

Not because we’re bad at healing.

But because, at some point in our lives, stillness didn’t feel safe.

Our nervous system learned:

Movement = control

Busyness = protection

Stillness = vulnerability

So it adapted.

What looks like “having it together” on the outside is often a nervous system that never fully learned how to settle. Especially for women who’ve had to be strong for a very long time, busyness is not a personality flaw. It is a survival strategy.

Why Stillness Can Feel So Uncomfortable

For many of us, stillness isn’t neutral. It’s where:

Unprocessed emotions live.

Old stress is stored.

Unspoken grief waits quietly.

When life demanded that we keep going — through responsibility, caregiving, pressure, or pain — our bodies learned to override themselves.

We didn’t have time to feel. So the nervous system stayed alert.

Productive.

Braced.

And now, even when life slows down, the body hasn’t caught up yet. It still thinks danger is near.

This Isn’t in Your Head — It’s in Your Body

This isn’t just a mindset issue. It’s physiological.

A nervous system that’s been in survival mode for years doesn’t know how to switch off on command.

That’s why slowing down can come with:

Tight shoulders

Restless energy

Racing thoughts

A vague sense of unease you can’t explain

Your body isn’t resisting peace. It just hasn’t learned how to recognize safety yet.

The Most Important Part: Your Body Can Learn Something New

This is the part I wish more people talked about.

Your nervous system is not broken. It is adaptable.

Just as it learned to stay on high alert, it can also learn to settle. But not through force. Not through discipline. Not by pushing yourself into stillness before your body is ready. Safety is learned gradually. Through small, consistent experiences of pausing without falling apart.

Your body can learn it’s safe to pause. Even when old tension or feelings rise, you don’t have to be afraid of them. Nothing in you is too much to be felt.

How to Begin Gently

You don’t need to overhaul your life to begin teaching your nervous system safety.

Start small with closed eyes and one slow breath.

Notice where your body wants to move.

Stay with that sensation a few seconds longer than usual.

Over time, your body and nervous system will remember that stillness is possible — and nothing in you will break.

This is how regulation is built. Quietly. Gradually. Kindly.

Your body isn’t meant to live in survival mode forever. You get to choose something gentler. You are capable of safety, ease, and rest. You just need to give yourself permission. This is the heart of nervous-system-based healing.

Not forcing calm.

But teaching the body that it is finally safe enough to soften.